That Which Does Not Kill… and To Never Walk Alone
by firewolfsg
Summary: LJ Challenge: 1:Faith: No one expected the results of the ordeal faced by the Emperor’s Twin Flowers… ;And 2:Hope: Seiran's view of Kouyuu's breakthrough with Shuuei. Warnings: Shounen Ai, rape trauma, past childhood abuse.
1. That Which Does Not Kill

DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Sai Yukino and Kairi Yura, Kadokawa Shoten, Madhouse Studios, etc., i.e., not me.  
I'm just borrowing them for a while to spin a tale  
Submitted to Saiun Challenge's November 2008 Prompt, Faith, +1,500 words, and won Second Place :)

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**That Which Does Not Kill…**  
By firewolf  
November 2008

It had understandably been thought that the powers of the Emperor's Twin Flowers were crippled. After all, Ran Shuuei had been demoted and furthermore disinherited from the Ran Clan. And Li Kouyuu had been dismissed as Under Secretary of the Department of Civil Affairs, and made a very public declaration of placing his loyalty to the emperor above that of his adopted Clan. Neither had rank and status in the Courts, nor a direct clan affiliation any longer.

Most enemies of the throne recognized this diminished status and were scornful that Emperor Shi Ryuuki refused to set them aside as his advisors. As much as their first appointment had been a credit to his office, their continued status as his Twin Flowers when they held so little influence and power was now seen as personal favouritism.

Ryuuki's detractors really should have left things well enough alone. However, one bright spark apparently had not been satisfied with the now lowly status of the Emperor's Twin Flowers. Former Official Sai wanted it brought lower, and in his actions committed a mistake of horrendous proportions.

Sai was smart enough not to direct his attention at Li Kouyuu. Although Li was not given the Clan name, stories of Kou Reishin's love and protectiveness of *his* son had been increasingly spread across the land by members of the Kou clan themselves as a warning to others that Li could still call upon his father's personal support. Sai also remembered too clearly Reishin's whispered words to him regarding his enacted revenge for an affront paid to Kouyuu many years earlier; a settling of scores which eventually saw Sai's removal from office. Sai did not want to attract the attention of the Kou Clan's head again.

Still, Ran Shuuei had not been an easy target, and Sai easily lost half of his mercenary forces during the man's abduction. With the remainder slaughtered when the Emperor himself lead his troops to the man's rescue. However, Sai had foolishly thought the sacrifice worth it since the abductors were wiped out to the last man and he hadn't needed to pay them for their excellent work; for he had heard whispers that the mercenaries who survived Ran Shuuei's seizure took eager retribution upon their helpless captive. And it did not take a creative mind to imagine the abuse that cowards would heap on an erstwhile dangerous man as Ran Shuuei, when they had him powerless to stop his assailants. So it was a shattered wrack of a man whom Emperor Ryuuki eventually rescued and brought back to the palace.

As had been correctly predicted, the Emperor's powers and influence were little use to track down the mastermind of the craven assault. However, the same could not be said of the Kous. And Li had known this when he approached his father to beg his assistance. It was a request Kou Reishin did not refuse. Furthermore, Li's father even set aside his infamous animosity of the Ran Triplets to share the knowledge his spies had gleaned. The tales of their joint vengeance for the harm inflicted upon the Emperor's Twin Flowers were to make men shiver for decades to come.

The Kous had the clout to completely ruin Sai and to ensure his family would take generations to rebuild, if the current generation managed to survive this lifetime. The Rans enacted a more personal retribution, and in doing so forcefully reminded the general public that although Ran Shuuei was disinherited by the Clan, he was still the younger brother of the Clan heads. It was whispered that it took Sai a month to die. And even then the Ran brothers thought his death too quick. However, the man's body could only endure the torture meted out to it under their expert care for so long before it finally failed.

Unfortunately, revenge could not unmake the damage inflicted upon Ran Shuuei. The small mercy that he was still physically intact could not be compared to the devastation enacted on his soul. And the healing of his spirit would take a woefully longer time than the healing of his physical wounds.

However, Ran Shuuei would and did heal over the many months and years to follow. Li demanded nothing less of his fellow Twin Flower. For to this end, Li Kouyuu was to make himself inseparable from his best friend.

No matter the numerous times Ran Shuuei had screamed at and cursed the man, and tried to distance himself in those early days, Li stubbornly stood firm and steadfast in his resolve to stay by his side. Where other friends had long fled in hurt and confusion to give the man the space he demanded, Li alone remained unmoved.

To the relief of all, Ran Shuuei eventually relented and accepted his loyalty. And thankfully, finally began then his journey to heal.

Significantly, that day also marked the new era of strength and solidarity for Emperor Ryuuki's Twin Flowers. For through this agonising time, Li Kouyuu had come to discover within himself the unchangeable conviction and spirit of determination necessary to stand firm in his beliefs to enact the reforms of his ruler; building then with each passing day a well earned reputation for ruthless efficiency and results which would carry him fast up the ladder of the Civil Service. On his part, Ran Shuuei had learned to coolly channel the anger and frustrations of his wounded soul into battle and strategy; quickly ensuring his steady and swift climb in the ranks of the military. And always, the closeness between Li and Ran was such that the Twin Flowers grew together in perfectly matched power and influence.

Eventually, there came a time where it seemed to many in the Court of Saiunkoku that the Emperor's Twin Flowers no longer needed words to communicate. For it appeared the men knew each others' mind so well, a barely perceptible glance could convey to their counterpart volumes of information which might otherwise take others hours to articulate. This was when the Twin Flowers became most respected by the officials of the Court. And marked the moment when Emperor Shi Ryuuki began ushering Saiunkoku into what historians would later identify as the Golden Age.

The enemies of the throne were to remember and curse the late ex-official Sai then; for it was their belief that the Emperor's Twin Flowers had been mostly harmless before he precipitated the change. And it had been their expectations back then that it would take the two men another decade or more to slowly regain their powers and rank. With the inferno lit within them by the 'incident', however, Ran Shuuei and Li Kouyuu had remade themselves in the astounding span of just a few years; becoming in this short time a formidable force greatly feared yet loved and respected by the citizens of Saiunkoku.

Older officials would suggest that the Emperor's Twin flowers were only settling into a long overdue maturity and seriousness with regards to their positions as the Emperor's Advisors. However, close friends of the two men knew better.

Among themselves, their friends were to quietly mourn the changes in Li and Ran. For they knew that their simpler and more carefree approach to life and love was now lost to all time. As it was, Ran Shuuei rarely smiled anymore; neither did he offer to flirt harmlessly with men and women alike, as he had once done before that fateful abduction. And Li Kouyuu seldom bickered with Ran as well, since the subject of his nagging had oft times been over the man's flirtatious and playfully indolent nature.

However, the one tiny glimmer of cheer which their friends could see was the steadily blossoming light of faith and love between the Twin Flowers. They were never to hear of it, but the little spark had started when Li Kouyuu shared with Ran Shuuei a tale from his childhood, so as to convince the former General that the aqua haired scholar did indeed understand his troubled spirit and the agony which raked his soul for what was done to him. And that shared secret had given Shuuei the faith that it was possible for him to heal; the assurance that he had not been sullied by what was done to him; and the hope that he could learn to accept love in his heart again.

With the gift of this knowledge, Ran Shuuei had at first dreaded ever meeting with Kou Reishin again. He knew that it was proper that he did to thank the man for the invaluable assistance in his rescue. However, he was also wary of meeting yet another who would look upon him with pity. And with his past experience with Kouyuu, Shuuei knew that Kou dono more than all others clearly understood the suffering he now endured.

To his surprise though, when they met, the man's eyes held not pity and understanding, but expectation and challenge. And this, far more than the kind sympathy offered by others, bolstered Shuuei's spirit to prove himself worthy of the love and support offered by the man's son.

In time to come, Ran and Li's friends would eventually grow used to the new 'quiet' nature of their affection and love. For few doubted that Ran Shuuei had deliberately acted like a flirt in front of his best friend because he wanted Li Kouyuu's attention, and enjoyed their almost daily bickering. Now though, the soon to be reinstated General had the confidence to understand that Senior Official Li never held his beloved far from his thoughts.

Ran Shuuei came to recognise too that the silence that oft times settled between them was a comfortable and comforting thing. For Li was a man of few words. And Ran was discovering that he cherished and loved far more their quiet time with each other reading in the Emperor's gardens, or just sitting together and staring at nothing at all.

It was to be an observation shared by many others. For owing to their renowned status as the Emperor's Twin Flowers and their remarkably attractive countenance, Li and Ran were to find themselves the preferred subject of many artists; with more artists favouring portraits of the men together rather than apart.

It was even rumoured that a portrait of the two men by a famous painter was nearly the cause of the termination of the tentative truce between Kou Reishin and the Ran Triplets. Fortunately, as the tale went, Ran Ryuuren had intervened by out bidding the two bitterly fighting parties, then gifting the portrait to his Bosom Friend #1. The Triplets could not complain because they technically won the bidding war through their youngest brother. And Reishin had nothing to gripe about either since he could see the painting whenever he visited his beloved Aniue.

All, however, agreed that the artist had shown skill beyond belief in the rendition of her masterpiece. For she had captured perfectly the quintessential quality of the relationship between the Emperor's Twin Flowers, in her portrait of the two men sitting upon the grass in the shade of a flowering Sakura tree, sharing a plate of manju and cups of tea, with the rays of the setting sun gently illuminating their features. That it was a relationship built upon faith, hope, and above all... Love.

~owari~

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Thanks for reading.  
Cheers, firewolf


	2. To Never Walk Alone

DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Sai Yukino and Kairi Yura, Kadokawa Shoten, Madhouse Studios, etc., i.e., not me.  
I'm just borrowing them for a while to spin a tale  
Submitted to Saiun Challenge's December 2008 Prompt, Hope, +1,500 words  
Author's Note: This story came into existence because LJ user hu3long2 asked me who the 'narrator' of 'That Which Does Not Kill…' could have been, and my muse started thinking...

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**To Never Walk Alone**  
By firewolf  
December 2008

Seiran woke in a tangle of bed sheets and with fear coursing through his veins, the scream barely caught in time and stifled. Still, he failed to not awaken his bed mate. Ensei's warm callused hands stroked his shoulders and arms soothingly as he gently encouraged him to lean against the taller man's body. Seiran had the energy to only put up a token resistance before he allowed himself to snuggle back into his friend's protective embrace.

Not for the first time in these last few months, Seiran gave silent thanks to Shouka sama's observant nature and foresight in casually inviting Ensei to stay a while at his estates. His oldest friend had understood immediately and over Seiran's half-hearted protests moved into his room and bed.

Seiran hated the situation he found himself in. He hadn't had nightmares and flashbacks, of the suffering he had endured during his Satsujinzoku months, this bad since he joined Shouka sama's household. However, he could recognize the trigger in Ran Shuuei's circumstances. What those bastards had done to the once proud man… Death was far too good for them.

Months after Ryuuki and he had rescued their friend from his captors, Seiran regretted leading the slaughter and stealing from the broken man any opportunity of revenge. However, Shouka sama had quietly argued the point of it being better that friends and family enacted vengeance on the participants and the responsible parties on Shuuei's behalf; that it would have been harmful to the former shogun's mental health if they had kept the men alive and allowed Shuuei to revenge himself upon them personally.

Shouka sama had been especially disapproving of the Ran triplets for the length of time they had personally made ex-official Sai linger before he finally expired from the torture meted out to him. However, the Librarian also pointedly did not interfere and was of the clear opinion that Sai's torture could not be compared to the agony of Shuuei's experience.

Days after the miscreant's death, the Triplets were said to have finally understood that Shouka sama's concern was for them and not for Sai. For the satisfaction they gained with their personal attention to the ex-official's torment ultimately amounted to naught. And in their zeal to seek revenge, none had given a thought to their little brother who had by then physically healed but mentally and emotionally retreated into a pit of guilt and despair for his seeming abandonment by his elder brothers. Shuuei accepted their visits later, of course, but the damage they had unwittingly inflicted upon his already injured soul could not be taken back.

As much as he hated to admit it, Seiran knew too that Shouka sama was right about the value of revenge. He had only to look upon his own experience to see this truth. He and Ensei had destroyed the Satsujinzoku once, and over a decade later he had personally killed Meishou, the brute who had been his main tormenter during that nightmare existence. The satisfaction Seiran had felt for those accomplishments lasted only as long as it took to wipe the blood from his blade. The pain he carried in his heart and mind for the abuse inflicted upon him all those years ago, however, still stayed with him.

The deaths of all those who had hurt him… in the long run, it did not undo the past. Ultimately, it counted for nothing. And this could not be more clearly illustrated with Seiran's recent months of terror filled nightmares and poor sleep because of the reminder that Ran Shuuei represented.

In Shuuei, Seiran could see a clear reflection of how he had once been. His numbness with regards to his continued existence... His obsession to wash, alternating with the neglect of oneself… His overwhelming feelings of guilt and depression… His at times extreme mood swings from relatively 'normal' cheerfulness to sudden depression or anger…

Seiran could see how stressful it was on all their friends, especially the sensitive Shuurei, Ryuuki and even Jyuusan Hime. They did not know how to react with Shuuei when he was in a depression or in a screaming rage for them to leave him alone and give him space.

Fortunately, just as Seiran had Rou Ensei, Ran Shuuei had Li Kouyuu. And the normally short tempered scholar had greatly surprised them all for the tremendous amount of patience he showed to Shuuei.

Where all others fled from Shuuei when he'd start yelling at them, Kouyuu would calmly let his best friend scream in his face. And when Shuuei paused to breathe, the aqua haired scholar would ask him a completely frivolous or irrelevant question to break his line of thought and distract him from what he was earlier ranting over. It staggered Seiran to see how well this tactic worked with Shuuei to shatter his moments of incontrollable rage.

Still, after nearly half a year had passed since Shuuei's abduction and rescue, Seiran didn't believe that Kouyuu could sustain his patience with Shuuei. Ensei had shared experience with him, which was the reason Seiran could accept comfort and support from him. A similar bond did not exist between Ran Shuuei and Li Kouyuu, and Seiran feared the approaching day when the aqua haired scholar would finally give up on their friend. He should have had more faith in Kouyuu.

They truly hadn't wanted to invade the two men's privacy, but Seiran had been anxious the day Kouyuu finally lost his temper with their depressed friend and dragged him out of bed to the baths. The aqua haired scholar had shown surprising strength in pulling Shuuei from the rooms Ryuuki had set aside for his convalescence on Harem grounds; though admittedly with the way Shuuei had been recently neglecting his own health he really didn't have the strength to fight Kouyuu.

Once there, however, Kouyuu had released Shuuei to face him. "You don't believe I can understand your agony, Ran Shuuei. But I would have you see for your own eyes and recognize the fallacy of these thoughts." And with those words, Kouyuu had pulled off his robes and under clothes to bear his body to his best friend.

From where they were uncomfortably hidden, Seiran and Ensei couldn't see nor understand what Kouyuu was trying to accomplish. However, Shuuei clearly did. The ex-shogun had stumbled towards their friend like a man half drunk, his hands held before him and reaching to gently touch and trace something neither Seiran nor Ensei could make out but Shuuei could with his proximity. It was a strangely intimate yet clinical exploration of sword callused fingers over almost milk pale skin.

"Who did this to you?!" The heated rage in the ex-shogun's voice could not be clearer to the eavesdropping pair if they stood behind him rather than in a hidden alcove across the room. "When did this—?!"

"I was a slave before Reishin sama rescued me, Shuuei." Kouyuu's reply was soft as he took Shuuei's hands in his to guide them over his waist, hips and then chest. "I was a child, but that did not matter to many of my masters who desired, bought and sold me when they tired of the entertainment they could have from me."

Shuuei's expression was stricken with horror as he stared into Kouyuu's eyes. Even from a distance, Seiran and Ensei could see Kouyuu gather himself before he spoke his next words. "Do you believe I was a willing participant? Do you see me as sullied now?

"Now that you know this, do you—think that I've been tainted?"

"No! NO! Never! I would never think—"

"Then why would you believe it of yourself, Shuuei?" Kouyuu cut him off to ask. "If I have not been despoiled by my abusers, why is it so different with you?"

"You were a child—you were helpless—"

"And you were a prisoner—injured and held just as helpless—"

"Kouyuu—"

"Reishin sama tried his best to encourage these scars to fade with his gifts and treatments of creams and oils." Kouyuu smiled encouragingly at Shuuei as his hands reached up to touch his chest and neck. "But I wear these marks without shame now; because I survived that horrible childhood, Shuuei. And I still thrived.

"You know that until Eigetsu came to the imperial city to topple my record, I was for a time the youngest candidate to graduate as Jorgen. And though that position has since gone to another, I will still be known in the history of Saiunkoku as having been the youngest official to serve as an Under Secretary in the Emperor's Administration."

"Your old chair may be taken by another, but there is little doubt among the officials that you will go far again."

"Just as you will be Shogun again." Kouyuu told him firmly, and then carried on before Shuuei could voice his doubts. "Shuuei… What was done to me did not ruin my life. Only you can decide if you want to let what happened to you ruin yours. But if you let that come to pass, you've allowed that bastard to win."

The ex-shogun growled at that suggestion. "Sai—he did this to hurt Ryuuki—to destroy his Twin Flowers—to destroy us…"

"So, would you really let him win beyond the grave?"

"Never…" Shuuei looked at his best friend. "Kouyuu—"

"Do not mistake me in believing it will be an easy path once you've made your decision to move beyond this setback, Shuuei." Kouyuu warned him gently. "It is not. Recall if you will how I was when we first met; how I still am in disliking proximity and the casual touch of even friends.

"But I have never been alone. Reishin sama and Yuri Hime supported me through every step of my healing. And in those moments when my spirit faltered, they were there to give me love and encouragement to carry on. Politics aside, I know in my heart that they'd never abandoned me in spirit.

"Then—you were there as well. And it was you who helped me learn to trust and accept the hand of friendship.

"You once made a pledge to me, that you would always find me if I should lose my way." Kouyuu told him softly as he brought their hands together between them. "Now, it is my turn. And my pledge to you, Shuuei, is to always be by your side.

"You are not alone, and I will never let you walk alone, Ran Shuuei. That is my promise to you."

"Kouyuu…" Shuuei leaned his forehead against his best friend's head and finally allowed healing tears to fall.

Ensei's finger gently brushed at the tears on Seiran's face then making him turn away from the two men. "Let's give them some privacy."

Seiran self consciously rubbed his eyes to hide his tears and looked up to see that the two men were now sitting on the tiled floor. Shuuei's shoulders shook with his sobs as he leaned his head on Kouyuu's shoulder while he hugged the man tight. And the aqua haired scholar had as firm a grip around his best friend.

"I think Shuuei will be okay now."

"Y—yes, I—I think so too." Seiran couldn't work up the energy to protest Ensei's companionable arm over his shoulders.

"I feel the same way too, you know?" Seiran heard Ensei say him softly as they made their way out of the Imperial Harem grounds to tell the rest of their friends the news of Shuuei's breakthrough.

"What was that?"

"About not walking alone?" Ensei squeezed his shoulder firmly. "I let you run away from me once. But I'd like it if you let me walk with you."

Seiran looked up at his taller friend in shock. "I—Ensei…"

Ensei gave him a gentle smile. "You don't need to say anything now. Just think about it, eh?"

Seiran ducked his head with a blush as he gave the idea some thought. To be fair, Seiran did recognise that he already accepted Ensei at some level. For the past few months, Ensei was in Seiran's bed and offering him comfort and protection with his proximity. And they did have the occasional romp between the sheets. Was it so difficult to take the next step?

Then, Seiran suddenly thought of Kouyuu and the words he had said to Shuuei. '_What was done to me did not ruin my life. Only you can decide if you want to let what happened to you ruin yours. But if you let that come to pass, you've allowed that bastard to win._'

Seiran look up at Ensei then, and decided he wasn't going to let Meishou win from his grave either. And that he was ready to let Ensei take a closer step into his heart as well.

"Just don't step on my heels."

As Seiran hoped, his oldest friend recovered quickly from his moment of stunned silence. "You expect me to walk behind you? Oi, Seiran? That's a bit much don't you think." The taller man groused as he slipped the arm that was on Seiran's shoulders to rest around his waist. "What next? You want me to stay three steps behind and wear a pretty lil' frock next?"

"Well, no. But a collar and chain sounds nice."

"What? As kinky as that sounds, I'm no wild animal!"

"Oh, no?" Seiran reached up to tug on Ensei's whiskers teasingly. "Do you recall those 'wanted' posters on us during our journey to Sa Province to meet Ojousama?"

"Hrumph!" Ensei growled at the memory of the posters of a hairy beast-like caricature which was supposed to represent him. "Shows you how some folks just don't appreciate the dignity of a fine beard."

"I'm not fond of it either."

Ensei gave him a pained look of betrayal, and then started grumbling under his breath about wasting time to shave twice daily. Seiran smiled. He didn't doubt his oldest friend would lose the beard before they got to bed that night.

~owari~

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Thanks for reading.  
Cheers, firewolf


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